I've never lived a day without you
by l.h. Zein
Summary: She's not sure when she knew that Kol was different. Of course, she knew that just because they were twins didn't mean they'd be exactly the same. He was a boy and she was a girl, but there was something different about Kol. Even from their older brothers. Features most characters from Mystic Falls. A tad of Kennett and a trace of Klaroline


She's not sure when she knew that Kol was different. Of course, she knew that just because they were twins didn't mean they'd be exactly the same. He was a boy and she was a girl, but there was something different about Kol. Even from their older brothers.

Maybe it was when they were 7, almost 8.

"Come on Kol." Finn said chasing around for his brother. "But I don't want to. I want to play with Bekah." Kol calls out, though it's strained. His voice is thick and even though he hasn't been running from his older brother for long, lacing each breath is a strong wheeze that makes her wince when she hears it.

Finn stops in front of her and silently gestures if she knows where he's hiding. She shakes her head and contains the grin threatening to bloom across her face. She knows Kol really needs to listen to Finn, but they're only having a bit of fun. She slips from her spot on the couch and tip toes slowly to Kol's favorite hiding space. It really wasn't much, a small storage area that connected to the coat closet in their mother's room, but it's his favorite. They sneak up there all the time together, and talk until their lids have become lead, too heavy to keep open.

She slips in quietly. Kol looks up quickly. In the dark light, she almost doesn't notice how pale he is. "Bloody hell I thought you were Finn." He whispers. She laughs and sits down. They're quiet, and only interrupted when Kol starts to cough. She reaches out and rubs his back. "You know I think Finn's a bore, but…" He sighs, and without another word leads them both out of the closet.

"Finally." Finn exclaims scooping up his brother. He's not taking the risk that Kol will run off again, so he keeps his grip firm. "I've got him mother." He calls for Esther. Esther rushes down the steps, coat just barely hanging onto her shoulders. She pauses and looks down at Rebekah. "You'll be good for Elijah and Niklaus won't you darling?" Rebekah gives her a bright smile.

"It should just be a short visit." Esther mutters to know one in particular. Finn watches her worriedly as he follows her still cradling Kol, who's trying his best to cough silently into his arm. He sighs and feels a tightening in his gut. He almost wants to sit down there and cry, but he's not going to cry. He's 18 years old. His mother needs him now more than before. It's why he's rejected the far away colleges and stuck to those closer to home. He sighs and straps Kol into the car. He grimaces when he hears him cough again. This was the 6th time in the past 5 months that Kol had gotten sick. He can't ignore the voice whispering in the back of his mind that something is seriously not right.

Rebekah clambers up the stairs to Nik's room. She patiently waits for him to answer. He opens the door wide, and she climbs up to his bed, minding the sketch pad that he'd hastily thrown to the side. "Why's he always sick Nik?" He sighs and ropes an arm around her. He, Elijah, and Finn have a hunch, but it's almost too terrifying to hear that they'd quickly tucked it away. He's not sure what to say to his little sister, who's looking at him with so much hope in her big blue eyes. "I don't know Bex." He lies, hugging her tighter.

"It's pretty serious. He has a good chance with the operation, but we need that release form signed." Esther sighs and glances through the door's glass, and can't help but smile. Kol is doing his best to aggravate Finn, hoping off and running around the room every single time he tries to get him to sit still.

"Are you sure there's no way that the father."

"No."

The doctor looks at her quizzically. "Please I can pay for it. There's no need to get Mikael involved." It must be the strain in her voice or something about her face, but the doctor seems more sympathetic. "I'm sorry, but without the release, we legally can't perform the operation. She swallows roughly. "There has to be something else. Medication, treatment." The doctor sighs, and half-heartedly agrees to start on a few medications that have had success in the past. She musters up the biggest smile she can and walks back into the room and scoops Kol up into her arms, planting a kiss on his cool forehead. "Mother?" Finn asks. She shakes her head, not trusting her voice. Finn doesn't argue.

Things change after that.

Finn goes to college a few blocks away, and Mother enrolls them all into a private school that doesn't care if Kol misses months of school at time. As long as he passes tests and the tuition is paid, no one argues. Rebekah can't ignore it though, the pitying looks she gets from the teachers or the whispers from the other student. _Dying._ She hears them whisper, and that's when she finally cracks. She waits for Elijah to come home from University before she pounces the question on him. He's the only one she can trust to not lie to her. Finn wouldn't answer, and Nik, well, she loves him, but she knows he'd lie to her to protect her. Elijah, he was always honest, even if it was the hardest thing in the world to be.

"Is Kol going to die?"

Elijah sighs depositing his bag on his desk. "Everyone dies Rebekah." She stops herself from rolling her eyes. She's 15, of course she knows that death is a mistress never satisfied. It reaps and takes, and is the only constant in life. "Of course everyone dies, but not until you're old and have grandchildren." She bites her lip, "I mean is Kol going to die now?" Elijah stops rummaging through his books and looks up at her. He looks so tired, and for a moment scared. "Where did you hear that?" She shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." He gives her a pointed look. "Rebekah." He says gently. She can't help it then, with her chin quivering she lets the tears that have been pooling at the rims of her eyes for years finally tumble down.

Elijah strokes her hair, hugging her close. "Nothing is going to happen to Kol. We protect each other remember." She rubs the tears from her eyes and nods. "Family always and forever." She says, her voice shaking. He nods. "Always and forever." He murmurs.

She slips out of Elijah's room and spirits away to Kol's. There hasn't been a peep out of there since she'd come home, and while she knows she should leave him to rest, she needs to see him. She has to make sure he's still there. She edges the door open and sneaks in only to find Kol dressed and edging toward his window. She does her best to give him a reprimanding glare, but she can't help the smile sneaking up on her. Leave it to her brother to sneak out once he gets the slightest bit of energy to manage a bit of mischief.

"You're not going to rat me out are you?"

She shakes her head. "Unless you let me come with you." He grins.

They walk slowly through the streets. Kol had finally felt well enough to plot an escape from his room, but even he knew his limits. He'd opted out of the party he knew Marcel Gerard was having, which was no doubt where Nik had snuck off to an hour before him, and decided to see the new bridge that had finally come up. It would be short, but at least he'd finally get a taste of fresh air.

She almost struggles to keep up with him. They aren't moving fast, but Kol's one stride is equal to two of hers. Anyone who saw them would hardly guess that he, she looks over at him, had been the one bedridden for the past week while she, panting and struggling to keep up, was completely healthy. She shivers. Twins. They were supposed to be the same.

They reach the bridge. While Kol's staring across the lake at the bridge, she's staring at Kol. He has a bit more color in his cheeks, and there's no rasping in every breath he takes. It's a slight glimmer of hope. She'll take what she can. She watches him mentally take apart the bridge, figuring out the structural focal points. He's so intense, her brother, his speech, mannerisms, the whirlwinds under his skin. It's hard to equate the boy standing next to her, who she knows once took boxing lessons for 6 months before a single one of them noticed, and the boy who can hardly keep a meal down for three hours after he's had a treatment in the morning. It's like two different people. It's strange, of the two of them, it's like Kol's the only one really living. The minute he gets a chance he sneaks away for some adventure. She wonders what he would do if he felt that same vigor every second of the day. She's the one with the shot at a real life, but she doesn't feel like she's living at all. Instead, she's always watching, waiting, and she's not sure what for.

"Bex." He nudges her awake from her trance. He looks tired again. "I think we should go." She nods and links her arm with his before they disappear into the night.

Nothing's really working anymore. Mother's heard about a doctor somewhere in Virginia conducting clinical trials, and decided just like that that they were moving to the States. Kol feels guilty. She feels it tumble off him in waves. He covers it up with humor in his goodbyes and the jokes with Elijah about whether or not he'll have enough boxes to fit all his designer suits in to ship off with them. She sees it in the plane while he's staring blankly out the window, watching London disappear beneath them long after everyone else had fallen asleep.

She wants to reassure him and tell him that none of them really mind. Maybe now they'll be able to understand what all the American fuss is about. Instead, she simply closes her eyes and pretends to fall asleep. Kol would take it as pity, even if he knows her intentions are good.

The town's small, nothing like the bustle of London. Nik enrolled at the University about a half hour away and both Finn and Elijah have taken jobs not further than an hour away. Kol was feeling well today, so he joins her for their first day as juniors at Mystic Fall's high school. He seems to pick up on how nervous she actually is, and silently takes her hand into his own. He leans down and whispers. "Don't worry Bex, you'll be running these halls by the end of the week." She grins up at him, and she leads them confidently to the office to pick up their schedules. She sees Kol smirking at all the attention their getting. She glares distastefully at the girls shamelessly casting long glances at Kol and huffs at the boys whose gaze is following her. Tasteless. This town really doesn't get much action at all.

"Play nice Bekah, or there won't be anyone left for me to play with." Just like that he cracks her ice, and she smirks and rolls her eyes at him. "Please, I might scare them off, but you will certainly be crushing them with your enormous ego." He laughs, and with a schedule in hand, he saunters off down the hall, already looking like he owns the place. She shakes her head with a grin. Well of course they own the place. They're bloody Mikaelsons. They bowed to no one.

She finds her match in another perky blonde, Caroline Forbes. Both, after their initial distrust of one another are fast to become friends. Both extremely particular about the intricacies of planning respectable social events, and more similar than either was comfortable to admit. Kol is absolutely dumfounded at how she'd managed to find her 'American twin' as he calls it in less than a month.

He hasn't missed much school yet. Whatever Dr. Fell was running, seemed to be working. He was almost bristling with energy. No one seems to suspect there is even the slightest thing wrong. Kol capitalizes on it all and does the unthinkable. She marches across the practice field and drags her brother away from the line. She can practically feel Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie's curious gaze at her back. "Are you daft? What are you doing?"

"Trying out for the team." He says nonchalantly, idly swinging the bat at his side. He crumples under her gaze. "Come on Bex, I think I can do it." He whispers, "If I can't, I'll quit. Simple as that." He waits for her reaction. No matter what she says it won't stop him. No one's ever been able to get Kol to do anything. Elijah's gotten the closest, but even his advice is only half heeded. What Kol really wants from her is her support…and not to tell Mother. Mostly it's about Mother. She sighs. "Fine." His face breaks out into one of his rare smiles, and for a moment she's happy that he's happy. Yet, as she watches him walk back and take his place in the line, she can't help the worry that immediately forces lumps in her throat. He's fine now, but what about in a month, or a month after that. She shakes her head and rejoins the girls. She'll worry after cheerleading practice.

Bonnie Bennett's pretty sure something isn't right about Kol Mikaelson. He misses school randomly, and there's those weird brief moments after he's scored a run that both he and Rebekah disappear for minutes. When they return, he always looks a little paler, and his breathing seems hard. No one else seems to notice, or if they do, no one comments. Caroline seems inclined to ignore it. "It's their business Bon. If they want to share, they will." She shrugs and continues on. She's got a free period, study hall, so she slips out into the halls to wander a bit. There's no homework to be done, and its homecoming week. All the teacher's seem to be in a forgiving mood.

She stops as she nears the nurse's office. "You sure you don't want to stay and rest for a while. I can inform your teachers. It will be excused." She hears the nurse say. "No." she hears a familiar British voice answer. "I think I'm fine now. I'll just wait until next class to go back." She edges closer and makes out Kol sitting on the edge of the bed in the nurse's office. "I know Dr. Fell's research is magnificent, but it is my professional opinion that you should just have the transplant. If you could just get the release…" Bonnie backs away quickly. She hadn't actually thought that Kol was… "Bonnie?" Shit.

She looks up to find Kol with his arms crossed staring pointedly down at her. "What are you doing here?" She stumbles, but finally gets a sentence out. "I have study hall." He raises a brow. "So why aren't you studying?" he says bluntly. She fumbles feeling her back press against the wall. He looks at her for a while, a thousand thoughts seem to pass through his mind before he finally sighs. "Come on then." He calls over his shoulder as he walks them out of the school and to the bleachers outside. They're completely alone, and after he's sworn her to secrecy, he tells her everything: his illness, the lack of love between his parents, and the real reason they all moved down to a little Virginia town in the middle of nowhere.

"Why not try and find your father. If he signs and you get the operation done." She begins, but is immediately cut off. "Finding my father would be worse than just sitting and waiting." He said. She's shocked by how stubborn and set he is on that fact. He gazes down at her flabbergasted face and has the audacity to crack a smile. "I'm flattered by your concern Bonnie." He leans back and sighs. She sees it then, the circles under his eyes and the parlor of his cheeks. "But I just need a few months. When Bekah and I turn 18, it won't matter. I won't need my father to sign anything." She bites back her thoughts. _But are you going to last those few months?_

He peaks lazily beneath his lashes, and there's almost a tinge of sadness in those onyx oceans of his. "I've lasted 10 years Bonnie. What's a few more months?" She sighs. If he seems resigned to wait out his fate, who was she to tell him otherwise. "You didn't have to tell me." She says getting up, "But I'm glad you did." His eyes trail her as she walks back into the building. Study hall had ended.

Rebekah watches Bonnie, waiting for the moment the girl decides to spill to everyone else. Things have been too good at Mystic Falls, and it's because no one knows a single thing about them. It's that anonymity that she selfishly wishes to hold on to. Yet, Bonnie says nothing. There's nothing in her behavior that even indicates that she knows. It's not until after a baseball game that she finds the girl beside her, helping her manage Kol, who is on the verge of collapse. She's finally had enough. "You need to quit Kol." She murmurs.

He stubbornly refuses. "I want to actually finish something I start for once Bex." His voice is so hallow that it aches beneath her skin. "You're never going to be satisfied until it finally kills you." She steps back somewhat shocked that the words have finally stumbled out of her. Kol blinks, the shock quick to fall from his face. He silently agrees. Something's got to give, and maybe he's tired of fighting. "I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you." He finally says before turning his back on her. She's still shocked from her first outburst that she doesn't move to stop him. There's only so much she can take of Kol, and now it seems she's had her fill.

It's not on the field that he collapses. Instead, it's in their home on one weekend that Nik was back from school. He finds his brother on the ground, almost serene. Suddenly, he's on the floor screaming at Kol to open his eyes. He rushes him to the hospital, and when a doctor finally comes to tell him his brother's awake, it's him that finally breakdowns on a hospital chair, numb. It's where Rebekah finds him after she's rushed away from practice. Nik is entirely spent, with tear stains clear on his cheek. He's mumbling over and over like a man possessed. "We almost lost him."

She's not sure how, but somehow she makes it inside the hospital room. Kol opens his eyes and flashes her a weak smile. She slowly strokes his hair, and he reaches up and grabs her arm. He gently rubs his thumb on the back of her hand. "I'm sorry." He whispers. Her barriers finally tumble, and she falls into the bed beside him. Her arms wrapped around his neck, hugging him like her life hangs in the balance. In a way it does. There is no life for her if there's no Kol in it.

The news of Kol's hospitalization spreads like wildfire. It echoes around her in quiet whispers. "I didn't even know he was sick." The students are nicer. The teachers offer her extensions on all her assignments. She doesn't want any of it. Instead, Rebekah just wants to scream. She stops attending school. She contemplates dropping out altogether. It's after these thoughts that she walks up to a huddle of girls waiting at her doorstep. Bonnie gives her a shy smile. "Don't be angry, but I figured since it's not really a secret anymore…" Caroline is quick to interrupt. "I can't believe you didn't tell us."

Rebekah sighs but lets them in. She shoots Bonnie a slight smile. It's then she notices the files each one of them is carrying, all meticulously labeled with colored sticky notes poking out on the edges. "I think there's only one thing left to do." Caroline declares, "We have to find your father."

The files are filled with notes, research on her family, sparse but surprisingly accurate. There's even a copy of Kol's recent medical records from the hospital. She's not really surprised though. Caroline's mother is the sheriff, and the blonde is anything if not resourceful. She swallows the fear at her father's picture staring back at her and takes the file into her hands. She's willing to do anything to save Kol. Whatever it takes.

That's how her brothers find them, sprawled out in the living room with papers and sticky notes decorating the walls and furniture. Nik sighs and is the first to speak. "Rebekah what is all this?" She swallows, and she forces her eyes to meet his. "We're going to find Mikael." Silence. She's shocked when Finn is the next to speak. "What would you like us to do?" She can't help the tears that immediately blur her vision. She's cried more in the last two days than she has in the last 10 years. It might be because this time, she's not sure he'll make it. Elijah is quick to draw her into his firm arms. "We made a promise Rebekah. Always and forever." "Family above all." She whispers back.

The girls feel like they're intruding on a private moment, and Caroline is quick to take back control. She hands the three men files. Nik smiles down at the girl and hands the file back. "There's no need love." He glances at his brothers. "We know where Mikael is. What we really need is a strategy to make sure he listens." Caroline smiles, and it's a smile with clear defiance. "I do love challenges."

It's agreed that Rebekah be the one to speak with him. Of them all, he's the least likely to retaliate against her. He always did have a soft spot for his daughter. She's terrified as she takes slow steps up to her father's home. Though in reality, it's more like three homes joined together. Her parents both came from wealth. Her mother; however, believed in raising her children to appreciate good fortune, instead of reveling in it. Her father was clearly the opposite.

He stares blankly at her, trying hard to ignore just how much she looks like her mother. He dismisses her pleas. He hardly believes the situation is as dire as it seems. True, Esther had informed him of Kol's illness, but she never made it out so dramatically. His stoic nature is enough to finally make Rebekah crack. She's known he was a cruel man, but she never imagined him to be completely heartless.

"He's your son." She screams, "And he's dying. There's no real guarantee that this operation will save him." He stares blankly back at her and lets her scream until her voice is hoarse. "I have to save him." She whispers when she's finally through with her rant. She looks up to her father, who wordlessly takes the papers from her hand. Calmly, he asks her, in a manner that reminds her strangely of Elijah, "Do you have a pen?"

She hands the paperwork off to Elijah and practically sprints the entire way to the hospital. Kol's asleep when she gets there, and she can't bring herself to wake him. Instead, she pulls one of the chairs up right to the bed and wrapping her arms around his free hand. She falls asleep listening to the steady sound of his pulse. "I'm going to save you." She whispers lazily before succumbing to slumber.

She wakes up against a hard body and looks up to find Nik staring ahead blankly. When he notices her movement, he quickly looks down to her. "He's in the operating room." He says softly. She sits up and joins him in their wait. She makes out her mother in a similar position with Finn not too far from them. Only Elijah is missing. "He's out getting coffee." Nik says answering her unspoken question. She sits back in her chair, and for the first time in her life she utters a prayer. _Save my brother._

The doctor finds them a few hours later, walking slowly toward them. He tells them the operation was successful, but it will take time to see if Kol's body is fully able to adjust. He seems almost frightened to say that they won't be allowed to see him until tomorrow. At that, her brothers walk the doctor to the side, and after a while, he returns, somewhat shaken and declares that Kol can have one visitor at a time. Her mother is first, and when she returns there are tears glistening at the edges of her eyes. Yet, Esther is lighter somehow like the biggest weight has finally been forced off her. All that can be done has been done.

Rebekah doesn't dare go in. She lets her brothers in turn visit Kol. Nik comes to sit beside her as they wait for Elijah to come out. "What's the matter?" he asks bluntly. She bites her lip and focuses on the cracks in the tile. "I'm scared." She whispers it. He gives her a thin smile. "I think we all are." Elijah holds the door open, and she slips in. He's still hooked up to too many machines to name, but he's awake, pale and haggard, but awake. He feigns a pout. "I'm quite upset you weren't the first to visit me Bex."

Suddenly she's climbed up onto the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around him. She buries her head in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. "I thought I lost you." She whispers. He stiffens beneath her, but then he returns her embrace even tighter than her own. "It's going to take a lot more than that to get rid of me." He whispers back. She buries her head even deeper. "You're my twin Kol. I've never lived a day without you." He pushes her away and takes her in; tear stained face, tangled hair, and the beginnings of dark circles beneath her eyes. There's a measure of resolve in his gaze that now bears straight into her. "And you'll never have too." He vows. She smiles, and he falls back into the pillows behind him. She stands to leave. He needs to rest, but he grabs her arm, pleading silently. _Stay._ So she does.

It's a few more weeks before Kol is finally able to go back to school. The entire class welcomes him back with open arms. Caroline argues in favor of throwing a party, but Kol is quick to convince her otherwise, citing her commitment to the upcoming end of the year dance as his primary excuse. Instead he indulges her friends with another sentiment. "I believe I owe the lot of you a thank you for helping my sister." Elena shoots Bonnie and Caroline a wicked gaze. "Did I really just hear Kol Mikaelson say thank you? You sure you aren't still supposed to be in the hospital?" Bonnie snorts, and Caroline is fighting to keep her laughter from breaking out across her face. Kol smirks. "Relax darling, I said I owe you thanks. I never actually said I would say the words." He winks at them before sauntering off toward his second period class.

Rebekah rolls her eyes at the girl's flustered reactions, because un-freaking believable. Though, she's not the least bit surprised. All her brothers have been uncharacteristically blessed with the talent of being a smooth flirt. Kol really was no exception. She flips her hair and follows after her brother, leaving the girls behind. She stops mid-walk and touches her fingers slowly to her lips. They're turned upward, and she realizes that she's smiling. She feels it stretch wider on her face, and she throws her head back laughing. She doesn't care for the strange looks from the other students still lingering in the halls, because goddammit she, Rebekah Mikaelson, is smiling for no particular reason at all. All at once, she feels free.

Caroline outdoes herself at the dance, transforming the entire football field into an enchanting luminous wonderland with hanging lights burning as bright as stars. Rebekah's dressed to the nines and throws herself freely into the throng, dancing without care. Eventually, when the music seems to die down, she slips away. She watches them from her spot, each glowing with warmth and happiness. While she's finally discovered what it means to be loose and at peace, it's not something she can hold on to forever. She's seen too much, felt too much, to believe that the world is merely a simple journey filled with good and bad. Life is simply a mess, but it's a beautiful glorious mess.

He comes up on her silently. They've never really needed words to announce themselves. He stands beside her and gets lost in the vision before them. "You deserve this Rebekah." He says. She looks up at him. Kol's only ever used her full name when he's being completely serious. "You deserve to be this happy and careless all the time." There's a thin smile on his face. "You deserve a chance at life, to have adventures." There's a thin envelope in his hands now that he's holding out to her. "Be free Rebekah." There's a dual meaning behind his words, and there might have been a time that she would have taken them gladly at face value. There have been so many instances over the past ten years that she's contemplated it, running long and far until she ends up in a town where she doesn't know a single person, and no one knows her name.

She's changed since then. She takes the envelope from him and without hesitation rips it to shreds. "Freedom is nothing without the people you care about." She hopes he understands the words that she hasn't said. _I've never been chained down by you._ The thin smile on his face shows her that he has, and she can sense the slight relief he feels. "What can I say Bex, you're my twin. I've never lived a day without you." She smiles, and this time it's her that speaks the vow. "And you'll never have too."


End file.
